Globe spotlighting?

So my light bulbs burnt out. In my room. Out.
So my room is dark. And not in that good way. In that "where is the light switch? oh there it is... oh way the lights are out - fuck... where's my clothes... i need to leave in ten minutes this is ridiculous" kinda way.

I tried to change the bulbs. Honestly. I did.

Here's the thing though. I don't know how.

It's not like that incompetent "I don't know how to change a light bulb," or "how many Canadian fags does it take to change a lightbulb? Three, one to screw in the light bulb, one to screw the lightbulb screwer, and one to apologize for everything". More like I don't even know how to get into this light fixture - it has no screws or other opening devices, and i'm pretty sure that I need a degree from Hogwarts to change the bulbs. (By the way, light bulbs are called light globes in Australia - just a point of note.) The degree would be a bachelor or light globery, by the way, and would include a three month stage with the glowing man from the 1980's Sylvania commercials.

Does anyone else miss him? I think he was the coolest. I mean the way he just appeared out of those lamps... and he was fit as!

Anyway enough diurnal ligh... I mean digression.
Ug i'm getting lame... i think maybe time to stop writing...

Oh before I go, maybe I'll tell you why I've decided to name my blog "Save the sea cows!".

Bai

...

Wow... so I haven't posted in like a week of sumfin or nuffin. I'm already a bad blogger. That's kinda sad. But I'm going to stop winging. "Winging" is Australian for "whining". "Whining" is English for what annoying people do. So I'ma stop. Before I become annoying....er.

You know what else is Australian? Lamingtons. They're little cakes that aren't that good and are covered in chocolate and coconut shavings. I don't really understand them. It's like eating... well little cakes that aren't good and covered in chocolate and coconut. Sometimes they fill them with jelly. Then they're like little jelly filled cakes that aren't good and covered in chocolate and coconut.

I don't get a lot of things about Australia. Like why don't people have wallabies as pets. I mean really. Of the local fauna, it's the most reasonable choice. And they're a little more interesting than cats. I mean consider the options back in the day:

"Mummmmmm I waaannnna peetttttt!!!!!"

"Ok dear, I'll just make an order back to England through the officers that keep us stuck here on this isolated continent because we suggested that equality was a value worth spreading twenty years ago. You should have your cat by the time you're 34."

OR

"Go outside and get a wallaby."

Really? Really?!! REALLY!?

Yeah so I want a wallaby. His name would be Wally, and he would like to eat dinner with me at the table. His favourite food would be chocolate halava, but he would also be a fan of bakalava and marzipan. Wally's favourite colour would be fusia, and his favorite thing to do on a Sunday afternoon would be chasing the cat and calling it a foreigner. He never chases mice, but somtimes he'll look for wombats.

Anyway, enough about Wally. More about Australians.

Australians have tripthongs. Tripthongs are funny things that only Australians do to their vowels. For example, the word we know as "no" (or "know"), we pronounced "no". In Australian it's prnounced "naui", as in "Naui, I don't naui where I put it". Or more accurately, "Naui, oi dain't naui whai oi put i'".

Fucking incomprehensible.

But I joke - I understand them fine, and enjoy their cute little tripthongs. Ironically, they also like to call flip flops "thongs". I asked one whether three flipflops made a vowel. I was punched. In the teeth.

Ok I'm done for now. I'l be back soon.

Wondering why I've called this blog "Save the Sea Cows!"?

Lata, skata

Away with words!

So I've been thinking that since I like to call myself a writer, I may want to consider writing a blog about writing. If this seems a little too self referential for you, then you may want to stop now.

You see, the difficulty of this idea is that I'd have to start writing about writing the blog I'm writing while writing it. This would mean an examination of the examination of the action, and object, of examination, which may have severe consequences for my readership. In that there wouldn't be any. Because of how stupid that is.

I'm not even gonna go any further with this... I also wrote that first part like a week ago, and frankly I don't care anymore.

It's Thursday!

I'm tired.
It's shortly after midnight and I'm awake, which doesn't bode well for my getting up early tomorrow. I had planned to write a little bit about a possible theme that I had considered earlier, only now I've forgotten what it is. This may be due to the fact that I'm exhausted. It also may be due to the fact that I'm getting older. It's true. Just last Monday I aged a year. I'm not sure how this happened, but I woke up and was suddenly 28 years old.

Now may not seems like it's very old. I wouldn't think so at least. But let's see what happens if we google "28 years old":

First is some boring fake web site, so we'll ignore that.

Second we have a Yahoo Answers question that proves I'm over the hill:
"Angel" asks whether 27-28 years is too old to have a child.

Thankfully Angel has received some insightful answers from some very experienced individuals. For example, "brooklyn..." writes:

I have to disagree with the people that are saying that "you're never to old to start a family" OH YES!!!

40 and over is too old! I understand people want to continue their education and start their careers but come on. How many 50 yr old can keep up with a 10 yr old, especially if the kid is out of control. 50 isn't old but too old to have a 10 yr old.

I had my son when I was 21. I would do it again and again and again. He's 7 now and a handful!! I couldn't imagining being 47 with him. No way! I'd need help. I want my next and last child b4 i turn 30 in two years.

To answer your question 27-28 is not too old to have your first kid! Just don't wait too long for the second if you want a second one.

Thanks "brooklyn...". I'm not sure why your name doesn't have a capital letter, or why it has an ellipsis, but I shall assume that it signifies a deep wisdom only attainable from raising a child before it's "too late". Thank bejeebus that brooklyn... will have the physical endurance to teach her child everything she knows, like how to spell "b4".

At 28 I guess that I better get on the whole baby thing soon then eh? I was thinking though that because I personally enjoy gay-man-man sex, chances are slim that I'll get one of my own soon. This is why I'm asking for some advice on Yahoo Answers myself...

Actually I'm not.

I was planning on posing whether anyone knew of somewhere that would rent out children. However after careful consideration I fear that this may lead some people to a *very* wrong conclusions. I'll hold back on Yahoo Answers for the moment.

Somewhat ironically, the third result was an article about an 11 year old who seduced men online... Don't worry - it was from a satire of christian fundamentalists.

So... I'm older... but it seems no wiser, no smarter, and no more talented. What have I then? Just another reason to feel that I've done nothing with my life, and the realisation that I'm too old to blame on having a Gen Y attitude.

I've also gotten more cynical I guess. I'll attempt to rectify this in future, but I make no promises.

Perhaps this blog will be about what it's like to live during my 28th year. It would give it a short lifespan as far as blogs go, but it's a start. I could talk about how I suddenly feel the pressure to achieve goals and contribute to society in some form. I could rant about how the children these days don't appreciate what they have. I could even reminisce about days before the Interweb and cellular telephones. Then again, I think I would rather go sit in a bath while making some toast and shaving my wrists after taking some pills to fall asleep.

This is my third post now, so you're probably curious as to why I named this blog "Save the sea cows!".

Remoo

Day 2 of blogging!
Well my blogging. There's a lot of other blogging, but I've had nothing to do with it.
I've been thinking that maybe it's time I decide on some kind of theme for this blog. It could be anything, couldn't it. Maybe my adventures in Australia? ... Yeah I don't have any... Maybe my adventures in babysitting?... there's a baby in the unit next door I'd like to sit on. I could write about that... but I feel the story would be a short one... Maybe I'll become a critic critic. I'll write reviews of reviews, and then I'll rate reviewers. Every year I'll release a lit of the top ten critics in each field - movies, books, art, restaurant... even critic. I hope I make the critic critic list this year. If I do I'm going to have a party where everyone has to dress up as their favorite scallop recipe. I'll even invite party critics to come and review it. And if they don't review it well then they won't be on my top ten party critics list. How stupid would you have to be to give a poor review to a party held by a critic critic to celebrate making the critic critic's list.........

Ok new idea: What if I wrote about my attempts to write things. I write a lot of things, and I attempt to write many more. Actually I could devote my whole blog to things I've tried to do and failed: quitting smoking, learning to play the piano, becoming a successful creative director, becoming a mediocre creative director, becoming a creative director, touching a creative director on the arm and saying "I WANT TO BE YOU!!!", finding someone who is mentally more mature than a 10 year old attractive, getting in shape, writing a blog... you know....

Maybe I make this blog about lists. I tend to write a lot of lists I've noticed. I guess that as the second post, this may be a premature generalisation, but I'm making it nonetheless. I feel, however, that "lists" isn't a great theme for a blog.

I could write a blog about the stupid things that we all see online... but that would just add me to the already long list of such blogs. And we're back to lists. Nice.

Maybe I could review blogs. Lets see what happens if I google "blog reviewer"....
Ok so I found a site called "Our Blog Review" which is really just a list of websites and blogs. It's horribly written and doesn't seem to perform any kind of real blog reviewing service at all. Let's take an excerpt (this is the first listed by the way, I didn't have to seek an example):

If you are a Muslim then you may find it difficult to find a Muslim date and therefore Muslim Muslima is a website which could be of interest to you. It is a Muslim matrimonial website where you can meet other Muslims with the view of the relationship leading to a Muslim marriage. You can search the profiles on the site or set up your own profile on the website all for free. The members are all single Muslims and the site is not intended for casual relationships for dating but unlike other similar websites is just a website for marriage. The members are from a selection of countries and it is free for people to be able to contact each other through the site.

Yeah.... quality.

Anyway - this is a big digression - we're supposed to be finding a theme for my blog.

I think I just did!

I think the theme will be: "Trying to find a theme for my blog."

You may be wondering why I've called my blog "Save the sea cows!".

Moo

I've decided that tonight is a good night to start my blog because it's a full moon. I don't know if it's a full moon to be honest, but it looked pretty full to me on my way home tonight. Maybe it just looks like a night to start a blog. We'll see I guess.

Speaking of tonight, it is currently 1:12 a.m. my time, which is Sydney time (or some semblance thereto), and I am very tired. For this reason, I'll probably be keeping my 'blogging' to a minimum, and for this, I apologise. (Although this apology is extended in the Canadian sense, where we don't actually care, we just say it to be nice.)

Perhaps introductions are in order? I (think I) am a thinking thing somewhere in the vicinity of Sydney, New South Wales, Australia. I am also a Canadian. I am also 28 years old, as of Monday last. I am also very cold. And a little hungry. And also parched.

Some recent events in my life have included: trying to find work as a freelance copywriter; dating someone who had a twin and who I found dull; deciding to go to grad school in philosophy of physics; having an ex I haven't spoken to in 5 years get back in touch with me and finding myself enjoying his conversation;dating the other twin who I found remarkable and who burned me; sitting in a cafe deciding to write a blog; sitting in a cafe and deciding that if I were to write a blog while in Australia, I have the right to use the Oxford comma; sitting in a cafe and deciding that if I were to write a blog and use the Oxford comma, and comment on said comma, and have someone ask about said said comma, that I would tell the commentor to go look up said said said comma without further discussion; and wondering if the twins were, in fact, the same person.

You may be asking yourself why I've entitled my blog "Save the sea cows!"

Have a good night... or whatever it is wherever whoever you are.